Well, it's been awhile. As per usual once I fall off that perverbial wagon I take a month of Sundays to get back on. So here I am, it's July, the kids are asleep and I find myself to lazy to do much else other than surf. The internet is so big and yet I get bored with it really fast. Even Facebook, I try to post (ok, that's a lie, really does anyone really care what I post?). It seems like a big contest for friends or something. Though I am keeping in touch with my friends through it so I guess it does serve a purpose. I can check on them and see if they are still alive. That's always good.
Here's a ringer of a thought that I had today. I was at Zoe's gymnastics class and Marsha, the teacher, mentioned that she would really miss me if I moved. I can tell it was genuine. As I thought about it she would probably be the only one other than my own faily members. I'm not being morose, just facing a truth. From the time I was 16 and decided that I was getting the hell out of this state I have pretty much kept everyone at arms length/didn't really put the work into the friendship. I have my college friends but they are scattered to the 4 winds, but at least I can call them true friends. I do love them all. I hope wherever we move I can settle down and find a good group of people and a sense of belonging. I want the same for my kids to. But, as I'm learning as I go, I am going to trust fate and try not to visualize how I would like things to be. It brings my emotions piece. Damn, I'm out of coffee. Dare I drink another?
